Ghosts

Loving you is like loving a ghost.

Its a romantic notion and makes my heart ache.  There were moments where we are together and the world disappeared. Like an apparition, these moments were brief and rarely on my terms.

Like a ghost, I never know when you will appear but Im always at your mercy for it.

Like a hopeless romantic,  I cling to what I thought we would have but its a dream.  You are a ghost and it matters not to you to come to me.  You see me, you love me, on your own terms and to hell with what I want.  I sleep alone.

I have no idea what is real.  I have no idea who is laying next to you as your phone ignores me because I dont matter enough.

As I come to you, you run from me.  I have simple needs, yet they matter not.  What a silly stupid game to play with my heart because I dont matter enough.

I have too much love to give to waste it.  I deserve someone who will put me first.   On these things, I wont compromise anymore.

I think of what it could be like if you changed, if you showed up here and loved me fiercely and deeply.  I think of a ghost who will will never appear.

Grateful

Today I am grateful for those moments of clarity that give you validation, serenity, or force you to quit denying what you know to be true. These moments are sometimes happy, sometimes sad, but necessary.